2011 Resolutions

Last year 2010 was full of change, accomplishments and some disappointments. Not much improvement in my health care situation other than my disease is still progressing. I have been able to make some changes which have had a great positive impact on slowing it somewhat.

I moved to the desert and hope to continue to loose weight. We have a new puppy and she keeps me busy. Banshee is a Leopard Catahoula and a good companion to Scooby who is getting on in years.

The kids love the desert and the space which is huge.

My hopes for this year, 2010 is to stick my plans:
1. getting to exercise daily
2. writing more & getting things published
3. enjoying life more including new art
4. being more diligent about the popsicle stix
5. find more time to meditate and do yoga
6. take time out for photography by myself again barns, desert, sand dunes, beaches & getting more photos published
7. going on a cruise
8. unplug more things more often
9. accomplish 5 things on my bucket list
10. enjoy traveling and go to 5 places I've never been

little steps

Sometimes God sends you a clear message

I've been battling PTSD and depression for some time since 9/11. Unfortunately the counseling has not always been paid although it is helpful. The different programs have NOT always been timely in paying or just plain out DENIED paying. This made it hard to get and stay in counseling. Practitioners don't want non paying clients. They need to pay the officer rent, liability insurance, electric, water etc. for their practice.

So today, while having a major depressive episode for the past month from a few 9/11 issues, two 9/11 responders lost, God sent me a message.

Just in case my faith was not being strong enough, just in case my one was not within reach to hold onto, God sent my therapist! Yes! In her convertible. She dropped off someone across the street from my home at the very precise moment I was outside. That is DEVINE INTERVENTION if I ever experienced it.

I approached her and told her God sent her. She laughed and told me to call the office and make an appointment.

Brian MacCauley died this week. I dug out the poem from WH Auden "Stop all the clocks" bumped into the therapist when I went to get the mail and thought there really must be a plan for me. I fell off the track and now God wants me back on it.


There are so many different balls in the air that I am afraid if I drop one, I will never be able to juggle or live again. Life can be just complicated and when you juggle by yourself....

Every one is a judge, has advice, wants you to listen to their complaints but how often does anyone call and ask, HOW ARE YOU? Really? or Can I bring you ?? or sends me something a note, flower petals or leaves a message of caring and kindness? Just for the sake of saying, I was thinking of YOU! or I appreciate you! or I LOVE YOU!

I think this whole dying syndrome makes me look at life so different and having to make plans for my children when I am gone is the most scary thing I've had to do.

Trust! Trust! Time is so important and PTSD requires time to think and time to process and sometimes, its scary to think about it.

I am not ready.

I want to hang on so hard and I cant get a grip.

I ask myself, is this another message from God asking to be strong, grab on and hold tight?

But when I wake up from my failed nap and get ready to get my son at school, the white convertible pulls up. God it talking to me. No phone, no Fed Ex, just directly.

A new decade

A new decade starts. I am back to blogging and writing. I have a house full of children and a life full of hope. The new decade starts with me at home, with a spotless kitchen, a clean bathroom, teens playing bridge at the table and loud music with tons of food ready.

One phone call marked the start. A sign to come that sometimes is a clear signal. Life is just that way. One small sign or jesture, yes jest-ure.

My hopes for this year, 2010 is to stick my plans:
1. getting to the gym daily during the week for 3 months
2. writing more
3. getting back to school since you cant stop learning
4. be more positive and work on the popsicle stix
5. find more time to meditate and do yoga
6. take time out for photography by myself again barns and desert and sand dunes
7. walk 4 miles per week
8. unplug more things more often
9. accomplish 5 things on my bucket list
10. go on one more date

little steps

Learning to cope with Tourette Syndrome

There are days which are so good but then there are days which are not.

Those moments when a mom sees her son struggling to deal with his differentness, strange impulses that want him to do things he clearly realizes other children dont do or want to do. It tears my heart to know this is something that will follow him his entire life and affect his relationships.

I have had to learn so many ways to refocus his attention on what I need him to be doing and it can be so incredibly time consuming.

Life is about how we teach our kids to manage their lives and how they learn to have relationships with others. A child with tourettes doesnt easily make or keep friends. They have to be real special children who were brought up being tolerant and accepting of others. It is rare to find a child that makes an effort to make friends.

Now the thought of changing schools and integrating into a new family brings new challenges. While I know his new siblings will be accepting and are kind still the fears of having my child not be accepted is hard. Also finding new doctors and integrating into a new school will be a challenge.

I am praying for a comfortable transition. Not easy just comfortable.

Day 3 Hunger strike in OKC

Today was a tiresome day because I had to exist on kid speed. We first went to the bank, toting my sign to deposit a 15.00 rebate check. Then off to the post office and the big Sam's club. Many samples to be had for anyone without my moral conviction and agenda, like the two little one's that shadowed me all day.

We had to plan dinners and snacks and some ahead planning for Thanksgiving and those two birthdays. We managed to get around the store, so crowded while I kept getting hit in the back of my scooter with shopping carts.

We got our milk, socks, snacks and returned home noticing gas is almost as high as milk! Later we searched for boots but my energy ran low and again we went home. Kids, Warren and his hired worker ate and I sat and enjoyed the last of my chicken broth.

In the kitchen in a pot, my next batch of brew was making everyone hungry but for dinner instead we had zitti and roasted chicken which is my favorite. For dessert I made a cake with sliced almonds. While family and the worker, Tim, who was asked to stay for dinner, ate the delicious cake, I enjoyed my cup of Earl Grey.

I have not hit Ketosis which means I am using the stored stuff without harming myself.

Kids finally stopped asking me to eat what they are not willing or interested in eating like the olives before dinner they sampled on the hour'derv tray. They were my guinea pigs for next saturday's movie snacks. Less olives mom, please!

Oddly enough, I have energy if I go slow, I am not drained and I am not bitchy yet but know it will be there. I returned to reading my Budhism for Dummies seeking inspiration.

Photos are posted on my flickr account: www.flickr.com/photos/clipedwingangel/
My photographer Lia refused to take a photo of me dancing to the song, "dancing with myself" which brought back many funny memories. Her only request was "mom, go in the house, people might see you and you are embarrassing me". Dont hesistate to ask me to do the dance in front of her next time you see me!

Reggie

Hunger for Health Care -Day two

So the first day was not smooth but it was not as painful as I thought it would be.

Adrian Campbell, in Michigan, clearly has a worse day, screaming at and called a liberal whore while being pelting her with eggs had to be devastatingly demoralizing.

Donna Smith, also in her first day, long and taxing but not as ugly and emotionally painful as Adrian and I.

Today, I went to Integris Canadian to discuss harrassing collections on the outstanding thousands of dollars owed them by NY Workers COmpensation for treatment they rendered to me. It was ugly! Finally I had to remind them, I have terminal lung disease, not exactly the type of person you want to piss off and clearly, being on Social Security Disability there is nothing of mine you can come take, so just get with the "F^CK~NG PROGRAM"! Send the bills to them CERTIFIED MAIL, stop calling me, and send copies to my attorney for an upcomming hearing. In case she forgot, I reminded her, I've got nothing to loose, dont bother talking down to me, use it for Workers Compensation, they have the money you want.

Then I had a form notarized at the bank. Carrying my hunger strike sign!

Then off to 3 different DHS locations, none of which would allow me to stand anywhere including the breezeway/easement, public access or ditch outside their property.

I came home, had my chicken broth to quiet my stomach. First liquids today were 1/2 cup of coffee to stop the angry banging in my head requiring caffeine. I can hold until dinner time when I will finish my chicken broth.

Every sign I see is about food, every commercial, every radio ad. I know that Adrian, Donna I will continue to be strong and our will power and determination and your prayers will take us into tomorrow.

Monday, I will go to Mary Fallin's office at lunch time, I have an apppointment. I will send it to you with details over the weekend. Tuesday, I sent in a reservation to hold a press conference at the Capital's Blue Room. It will be day 6 and also the day Sicko is Released. I would like to invite a few people over who havent seen the movie to view it.

After Tueday's press conference I will return to visit the office of Frank Lucas in YUKON!

The statement his office gave me includes the line:
"I do not support provisions in HR 976 that expand government control of health insurance, undermine private insurance and do not put poor children first."

It follows by saying: I am hopeful that my colleagues adn I can now work together to enact resposible SCHIP reform that provides health insurance to the children who need it.

The guidelines for this bill are for "families who are earning up to 200% of the Federal Poeverty Level (FPL) or families earning $41,300. Our combined family income did not meet the $41,000 level so I am still qualified under this bill if it passes so my children can have medicaid.

Reggie

PS: I can tell I have diminished brain function today. Send us some virtual hugs by smiling!

Hunger Strike OKC Sicko

Chicken Soup for the Hunger Striker
Day 1 in OKC:
Hunger strike started at Joy Menonite Church in OKC on Lincoln
OETA (PBS) covered it
I had about 5 supporters there
We prayed for stregth and courage during the hunger strike for the striking women.
We prayed for the children and we prayed for the elected officials to be enlightened with the needs of our children.

I stayed at the location for about 2 hrs, them moved to Frank Lucas office in Yukon.
Obtained literature that is disturbing on his position against SCHIP.
Stood in front of his office with my sign for a little over an 1 hr and returned home to go to the grocery store and prepare a dinner for my family we could share.

This is my recipe. Serve it to them with Garlic bread or sourdough.
Much love,
In prayer,
Reggie

See photos, watch the progress:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/clipedwingangel/

use a stock pot that holds about 5qts

1 Qt Chicken Stock
1 QT water
1 can chicken breast
1 bullion cube Chicken (Wylers)

1 cup carrots (either the baby carrots or chopped)
1 can corn
3/4 cup chopped leeks
1/2 cup sliced squash
1/2 cub sliced zuccini
1/2 onion chopped

1-2 cups chopped potatoes
(I used 2 cups of small red potatoes)

1 pinch of dill weed
1 pinch lemon pepper
1 pinch parsley

simmer for 1 hr

put broth through strainer or skim liquid off top
drink 2-3 cups, let your family enjoy the other good veggies

good for the soul
good for the heart
good for our children

Reggie Cervantes
WTC Survivor Rescue Worker

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
~ MLK

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson